Friday, February 15, 2013

Random Quotes from the WIP Household, Part XXXVIII

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Holy shit, this is what you married? I look like 80s Eurotrash.

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I want to have Seth Rogan's Jew ginger babies.

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Where'd your balls go, Chester? Where'd your balls go?

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Does it remind you of your childhood, dad? Following big black bears into the forest?

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Everything she says will now be discounted because of the kid with the chicken on his head.

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Thursday, January 24, 2013

Random Quotes from the WIP Household, Part XXXVII

I have a blog? Oh, yeah! I do! It doesn't seem to be much of a food blog any longer. It's not that I'm not cooking, I'm just not cooking anything very interesting. Also, the last couple months have been pretty draining because of a change in employment, and I just haven't felt like going through the whole food-blogging process. So, here you go: another installment of things said in my house.

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Jimmy's been trying to marry my mother for 7 years. Every time I see him he gives me $20.

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Is he also a baby corn enthusiast?

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Fuck you, peas! Sorry, sorry! I meant to say that in my head.

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Saran Wrap's like that ex-girlfriend that won't go away.

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When I came to, my hands were tied behind my back, my pants were down, and there was a golf ball in my butt. But it was ok, because Darren's got a CPR card.

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Friday, November 2, 2012

Random Quotes from the WIP Household, Part XXXVI

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When is the appropriate time to talk about secretion, if not at dinner?

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You know what I don't get? People who bitch about drinking orange juice after brushing their teeth. You've heard the horror stories. You know it's a bad idea.

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Chester, you don't know shit about my sandwich.

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Since when is masturbate a word we can't say at the table?

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Sluts don't get candy.

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Monday, October 15, 2012

Random Quotes from the WIP Household, Part XXXV

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Hey dude, stop looking at my wife's meat cone.

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Check out this stately goat.

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"Why did you go to her first?" "Because she's not a judgmental twat."

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I look like a fat Spartan.

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I don't need a boyfriend. Apple fu

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Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Random Quotes from the WIP Household, Part XXXIII

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You don't love me, you just love Debra Winger.

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What happened to the bush? I want the Father and the Son and the Holy Bush.

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Don't give this bitch no french fries.

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"Do you really want to walk around Escondido, dad?" "Not really, I don't have any underwear on."

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"Here I am breeding free thinkers." "How dare you?" "I'm an asshole."

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Thursday, September 20, 2012

Random Quotes from the WIP Household, Part XXXIV

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Are you going to piss in my shoe and kill a kitten next?

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What do you have against bacon? Jew.

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Stop lubricating my hummus.

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The California Ducks of Mighty Anaheim. Near Los Angeles.

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Some day you're just going to have to accept that tampons are a fact of life.

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Monday, August 27, 2012

Random Quotes from the WIP Household, Part XXXII

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All of these network connectivity problems are seriously impeding my ability to look at soft porn from the 60s.

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You actually Googled "gnome porn"?

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That's why Cheerios represent your daddy. Because there are so many, and you just threw them all away.

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You're pretty sweaty for not being Mexican.

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That's why you never take a bitch in the woods. Because, bears.

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