Random Quotes from the WIP Household, Part XXXVIII

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Holy shit, this is what you married? I look like 80s Eurotrash.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I want to have Seth Rogan's Jew ginger babies.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Where'd your balls go, Chester? Where'd your balls go?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Does it remind you of your childhood, dad? Following big black bears into the forest?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Everything she says will now be discounted because of the kid with the chicken on his head.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Random Quotes from the WIP Household, Part XXXVII

I have a blog? Oh, yeah! I do! It doesn't seem to be much of a food blog any longer. It's not that I'm not cooking, I'm just not cooking anything very interesting. Also, the last couple months have been pretty draining because of a change in employment, and I just haven't felt like going through the whole food-blogging process. So, here you go: another installment of things said in my house.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jimmy's been trying to marry my mother for 7 years. Every time I see him he gives me $20.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Is he also a baby corn enthusiast?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fuck you, peas! Sorry, sorry! I meant to say that in my head.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Saran Wrap's like that ex-girlfriend that won't go away.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When I came to, my hands were tied behind my back, my pants were down, and there was a golf ball in my butt. But it was ok, because Darren's got a CPR card.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Random Quotes from the WIP Household, Part XXXVI

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When is the appropriate time to talk about secretion, if not at dinner?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You know what I don't get? People who bitch about drinking orange juice after brushing their teeth. You've heard the horror stories. You know it's a bad idea.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chester, you don't know shit about my sandwich.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Since when is masturbate a word we can't say at the table?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sluts don't get candy.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Random Quotes from the WIP Household, Part XXXV

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey dude, stop looking at my wife's meat cone.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Check out this stately goat.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Why did you go to her first?" "Because she's not a judgmental twat."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I look like a fat Spartan.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I don't need a boyfriend. Apple fu

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Random Quotes from the WIP Household, Part XXXIII

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You don't love me, you just love Debra Winger.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What happened to the bush? I want the Father and the Son and the Holy Bush.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Don't give this bitch no french fries.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Do you really want to walk around Escondido, dad?" "Not really, I don't have any underwear on."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Here I am breeding free thinkers." "How dare you?" "I'm an asshole."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Random Quotes from the WIP Household, Part XXXIV

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Are you going to piss in my shoe and kill a kitten next?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What do you have against bacon? Jew.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Stop lubricating my hummus.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The California Ducks of Mighty Anaheim. Near Los Angeles.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Some day you're just going to have to accept that tampons are a fact of life.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Random Quotes from the WIP Household, Part XXXII

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

All of these network connectivity problems are seriously impeding my ability to look at soft porn from the 60s.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You actually Googled "gnome porn"?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That's why Cheerios represent your daddy. Because there are so many, and you just threw them all away.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You're pretty sweaty for not being Mexican.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That's why you never take a bitch in the woods. Because, bears.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Scallop Ceviche

It's hot. And humid. There's no way I'm turning on the stove or oven. Hence, scallop ceviche.

I can't give you exact amounts of the ingredients, but here's what you do: Chop up your scallops into ~1/2 inch pieces. Mince some red onion, chop tomatoes, cucumber, avocado and cilantro, and mince up as much chile as you like - I have some Peruvian aji chiles in the fridge, so I used those (the little orange bits in the picture). Mix everything together, and squeeze in a bunch of lime juice - you want the liquid to pool at the bottom of the bowl. Cover and chill for a few hours, until the scallops are "cooked". Salt to taste, and serve with chips.

Refreshing, crisp, light and delicious. I've also made ceviche with shrimp and red snapper, which is also delicious.

Stay cool out there, folks!

Homegrown Mushroom

Yes, I said mushroom, singular.

I decided I wanted to grow my own shrooms, so I bought a shiitake mushroom log from Lost Creek Mushroom Farm a while back. Everywhere I've read says your first crop may be small, but I honestly wasn't expecting this small. After the overnight soak in ice cold water, here's what happened over the course of a few days.

So what did I do with my mushroom?

It was delicious. I can't wait to grow future larger crops.

Random Quotes from the WIP Household, Part XXXI

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm gonna get dressed. Then I'm gonna cut a fool. Then I'm gonna cumbia.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's a wrench, the one with the hole. I don't speak tool.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Old people smell like baby powder and sorrow.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The one good thing about herpes? You don't have to share anything. With anyone. Ever.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Don't be alarmed at how awesome I am.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Random Produce

Or, cleaning out the camera.

Black radish:

Figs (from my tree):

Oranges (also from my tree):

Farmers market haul:

Brussels sprouts:

Pomegranates (from a friend's tree):

Tomatoes:

Stuff my Mother-in-Law Cooks

My mother-in-law is a great cook. When she lived with us for a time a few years back, she was always cooking up a storm. We've never eaten so well.

Here's a random sampling of the things we've been fortunate enough to eat over the years:

Roast ham, slathered in mustard and studded with cloves.

Posole made with various pig parts, including feet.

Chile verde, made with pork ribs.

Chicken mole.

Chicken Enchiladas

Who doesn't like enchiladas? Cheesy, spicy, and all-around delicious.

This is how I make enchiladas, as taught by my husband, as taught by his Mexican grandmother.

Chicken Enchiladas
Bone-in skin-on chicken breasts
1 onion
2 cloves garlic
1 can Las Palmas enchilada sauce
Corn tortillas
Shredded cheddar
Shredded jack cheese
Minced black olives
Minced red onion
Chopped green onion

Gently poach the chicken with the onion and a clove of garlic until cooked through. Let cool, then shred the meat. (Save the chicken water, as it's pretty much chicken broth!)

Warm the enchilada sauce in a pot with a smashed clove of garlic and salt to taste. Add enough sauce to the shredded chicken to make it moist but not soupy.

Spread some sauce on the bottom of a baking dish.

For each enchilada, warm a tortilla in a skillet with a bit of PAM, and drag it through the enchilada sauce (again, moistened but not dripping). Fill with chicken, cheese, minced onion and minced olives, and roll up. Place in the baking dish seam-side down. Repeat with the remaining ingredients.

Drizzle sauce over the enchiladas, sprinkle with cheese, more black olives and red onion, and green onion. Bake in a 350 degree oven until the cheese is bubbly and the enchiladas are heated through.

Random Quotes from the WIP Household, Part XXX

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I like touching warm cake. Is that wrong?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I really hope that when people see my tits for the first time, the first thing that comes to their mind is not milk.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Can you put your junk away for like 5 minutes?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I can't eat that, I'm crunchy right now.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Don't lick Vicki while she's driving.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Something Fishy, Part 2

Apparently, I cook a lot of seafood.

Deep fried fish with gai lan.

Hamachi kama (again).

Fish taco.

Garlic shrimp with salad.

Steamed mussels.

Something Fishy

For your viewing enjoyment, here's a collection of fishy-type dishes.

Smoked salmon salad.

Butterflied, breaded, fried shrimp.

Smoked salmon, herbed cream cheese, cucumber, hot sauce.

Hamachi kama (collar).

Salmon with two sauces. Husband made it, I don't know what was in it. But it was good.

Raw tuna with seaweed and fried shisito peppers.

Pork Tenderloin on Spinach with Potatoes

Do you like pork? Of course you do, that's why we're friends. I'll bet you also like crispy potatoes. I knew it.

Mince up some garlic, and rub it all over your tenderloin, along with salt and pepper. Throw it in the oven until it's done. Meanwhile, cut small potatoes in half, and cook them slowly in a cast iron skillet with olive oil, salt and pepper. Shake and flip for even browning.

When the tenderloin's done (internal temperature of 145 if you listen to the government), remove it to a plate and tent with foil. To the roasting pan, add a cup of stock (I used chicken) with about a teaspoon of cornstarch mixed in. Boil on the stovetop until reduced and nicely thickened. Note: Be careful about adding cold liquid to the hot roasting pan. You might end up with a cracked Le Creuset casserole. Not that I'd know for sure. *cough cough*

Slice the pork, and lay the slices on top of some spinach. Put some potatoes on the plate. Spoon the sauce over everything. Enjoy.

Random Quotes from the WIP Household, Part XXIX

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You didn't suck for a minute. That was cool.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I wish Jesus came scented.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You're a gold medal winner in the vibrator Olympics.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There's nothing more hilarious than a fat guy in a kayak.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I would punch myself in the Fallopian tube if I knew I was having triplets.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pretzel Dogs

The other day, husband wanted pretzels. While at the store to buy yeast, I walked past the Nathan's hot dogs, and thought...pretzel dogs!

Make your pretzel dough. I like Grant Achatz's recipe. Cut the dough in pieces, stretch each piece and flatten to about 1/4" thick and 3/4" wide. Wrap around the hot dog. Let rise while the oven pre-heats to 450. Do the baking soda bath, brush with egg, sprinkle with salt, bake until browned.

These were slightly greasy, which can be solved by removing the hot dog, squeezing out the grease, and putting back in the pretzel. But that's a bit weird. Next time I might try poking and par-boiling the hot dogs first.

Kimchee and Bacon Deviled Eggs

I've made kimchee and bacon egg salad before. Why not do the same with deviled eggs?

Cook bacon and crumble. Drain some kimchee, fry it in a dry skillet, then chop. Mix into egg yolks and mayonnaise. Spoon into egg whites. Garnish with, of course, more bacon.

Delicious.